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مقتطفات من رواية Sacrifice & Satisfaction من تأليف العضوة شمس..
السلام عليكم.. من قبل اخبرتكم عن الرواية الانكليزية التي اقوم بتاليفها. وقد انتهيت ..حيث تجاوزت ال 300 صفحة. وما زلت اعمل بها مع صديقتي للتدقيق اللغوي منذ حوالي سنتين. الرواية من احداث القرن التاسع عشر . العصر الفكتوري.. احضرت لكم بعض المقتطفات بعد التدقيق اللغة .. وكما حدثتكم سابقا... الرواية من تاليفي..احداثها ..معظم الوصف وكلماتها وجرياتها..الفلسفة في الحياة..وفكري. اني قمت بالكتابة باللغة الانكليزي والبحث كثيرا عن معلومات تخص بريطانيا القرن ال 19. حتى ادق التفاصيل في الاماكن . العربات.القصور ..البيوت ..الخ وهنا هذه المقتطفات قد تمت بتدقيق انكليزي من صديقتي ! شكرا لها.. لدي ملاحظة بسيطة : لماذا لم يختاروني ان اكون كاتبة المنتدى كما البعض ؟ :) لكن ما يزعجني ان اسمي سيتحول الى اللون الازرق وانا لا اريد هذا اللون ..اشعر انه خاص للذكور ! اذا اردتم تعييني كاتبة المنتدى اريد اللون الوردي او الاحمر ..:) اووه لا ..الاحمر خاص للادارة. وربما صعب اللون الوردي . اذن ..لا مشكلة. استغنيت عن كوني مرشحة لاكوني من كتاب المنتدى ..:) شكرا اتمنى ان تعجبكم ..هذه المقتطفات ! ================== ملاحظة : اعتذر اذا ظهر تنسيق الاسطر الانكليزي بشكل غير مرتب. ولو كان بامكان الادارة ان تغير التنسيق عني بشكل مناسب. فلا مانع لدي..حيث لم استطع..واواجه بعض الصعوبات في الطباعة وتدقيق النصوص في المنتدى! شكرا * Who are you?" asked Marlyn, confused" “I ‘m just a normal woman. And I’m a murder too.” The woman said nonchalantly.* * Marlyn gaped at her in*shock; she had never come this close to a murderer before! She felt*revolted*and moved her hair out of the woman’s grasp. “Do not touch me. Do not come close to me,” she whispered.* * “But you are like me, like us, right? This terrible place only houses thieves or murders. Why are*you*scared*then?” * “I ‘m*not*a murder. I’m*an*innocent girl.*I do not belong in this place!”*Marlyn indignantly said.* “Oh right. You said innocent! Poor*girl. If you are in this place…it means that you are notinnocent,*sweetheart.”*The woman threw back her thick-haired head and laughed heartily. Marlyn nearly jumped out of her wits.* * But…” * “Even you are really innocent, it does not matter*anymore. Listen to me. This is your new life now. Forgot the sun, forgot the parties, and forget your dreams of fancy sliced meat. Or fine wine. You see these cracked terrazzo walls here? They have become cracked and frayed largely due to what they’ve witnessed, what they’ve heard—stories about our victims, of poverty, hunger, pain and desperation. Desperation that drove us to commit our terrible crimes. Us unfortunate woman who are locked away here…nothing can engulf our suffering, not even the largest fire in the world. Only these silent, miserable walls know our tales of woe.” * Marlyn stared at her, speechless. How strangely this woman spoke!*It was as though she were an educated woman, a woman of fine breeding. But why would she be in this godforsaken place, then? * “So, who did you murder? Was it a stranger? Or a lover, perhaps?” asked the woman. “Oh, I apologize for asking. Now you will insist you are innocent again. So, why are you here then, pretty girl?” * “They think that I killed Mr. Bentley and stole all the money from his shop…” * “Did you kill him?” * “No” Marlyn angrily*insisted, little tears flowing*down her face. “He was as dear father to me, he was…” she buried her head in her arms and cried more.* * “All right. All right.” The*woman*stroked*Marlyn*hair. “I believe your blue pretty eyes.*I believe you are innocent. But unfortunately, you will need a lot of*a luck to*ever make it out of this miserable jail.* * Afterwards the*woman*looked at the*others around her. “Do you see all*these*women here?*You*see*that*some are smiling? Do not believe that they are really happy…. they*have*renouncedhope and have resigned themselves to*this suffering and*this*bitter life here…. they have forgotten*how*warm*the*sun*felt on their shoulders, how*the breeze*danced with their hair. They have*forgotten*their children, their spouses, their beautiful lives outside this cage. They had to forget, or they would lose their minds here…like her!”*She pointed to the strange woman who had been quietly muttering to herself since Marlyn’s arrival. ****************************************** * “Dear Mary, pl—” Marlyn*began*sadly. * “The second thing,” interrupted Mary, “ I wish I could do it... I want to smoke. I used to alwayssmoke.*How elegant I felt!” Then Mary looked at Marlyn, “Have you ever tried*smoking before?” * “No...” * “Why, you must! It is delightful. But I would not advise my children to do it, ever. When you try it, you can*cannot*renounce it. It is simply*too*addicting. And if you do renounce it, you will suffer, you will suffer a lot. It is absolutely the same as love!” * “Love?” asked Marlyn in confusion. Had they not just been talking of smoking? * Mary*held up an imaginary cigar between her two fingers and blew an imaginary smoke ring into the air. She nodded contently.* * Mary said:*“The different between smoking and love. Hmmm, let me explain. When it comes to*smoking, you do not*have*to try it. It is a choice. It is up to you. But love…is not a choice at all. It is more difficult than smoking. Once you fall in love, you lose your senses. You do not know when? How? Where? Then your adventure will start. But be warned, you will do anything for love. You will sacrifice, you will be ready to renounce anything for it…to catch*it*by your nails. Because if you lose it, you will suffer forever...” * “Renounce anything for it?” replied Marlyn, who was still yet naïve and did not know much of romantic love*other than her own fanciful dreams. “Oh No! But not me…I will be very careful before I fall in love. First, I will choose a man who will make me happy and marry me... of course, he*better a rich man... Then, and only then, will I allow to my heart to love him...” * Mary smiled and replied: “I thought you were a smart enough girl, Marlyn!*I was impressed by your wise thinking and your outlook on*when I talked to you before! But*on this point…sorry to disappoint you dear,*but*I do not think that your heart will wait for your permission to love or not!*You are talking about love as if*it is the same as riding a horse!*And you are sure that the horse would follow you and you*can control it in everything.” * “Oh dear!” continued Mary. “But you know that some horses can rebel; what if your horse*were to break your expectations? *What if it reared? What if it tried to throw you off? Here, you will be in trouble and you must decide whether to jump from the horse or stay put; and whatever decision you make, its end will definitely be painful.* * “Or you will be forced to decide finally to response, and renounce, to obey…the horse. When you experience real love, my dear Marlyn, you will understand what I mean.” * ********************************** Nevertheless, she encouraged herself.* “Do not be afraid, Marlyn. As Mary said, I know some of them are murders and thieves. But they are still human. I believe that they*just*need to look at themselves again, and to learn. To understand this life.* * Nobody is bad, it is just wrongful thinking and difficult circumstances that guide us to bad behaviour. When the*law*judges*a*person to be hanged or to*be punished, it is*because he*committed*a crime,*not*because he is*a totally*bad person!* * It is*done*to stop the crime, this what I believe. The*law’s*aim should be always to teach those people who are doing crime before they think to punish them! Or else the people will never change and continue to commit crimes!” ********************************* Marlin stopped*drawing and looked at Mrs. Randal.* “It is David,*Mrs. Randal, he*has*lost his desire to continue practicing his drawing. He will not listen to me. I do not know how to help him!” Marlyn said, her eyes filling with anguished tears.* * “Do*not*worry,*dear.” Mrs. Randal put her hand on*Marlyn’s lap. “I think I understand why David is acting as such.”** * She sighed. “I think he is afraid of failing and letting you—and himself—down. He sees himself as not normal because of his handicap. And he is so afraid of not succeeding in the competition. He thinks that if we were to fail, it would mean he is a useless person. Unfortunately, sometimes people who are handicapped take failure much harder than you and I, Marlyn. It leaves a bigger impact on them...because they already feel different from other people. They already feel incapable. That is why we must be patient and understanding of their harsh reactions, dear.” * “Oh, poor dear David….” Marlyn said sadly.* “Indeed, he must feel very frustrated. His inability to see must bother him every day. That is why you should be patient with him.” * “But…David is not like that. He is usually a very strong and wise boy. You should hear how he talks sometimes. Why, I can never forget his encouraging words when I first met him. I was*feeling*so hopeless but he—” * “I understand, my dear Marlyn,”*Mrs. Randal interrupted, smiling. “But do*not forget that he is still a human being!*You know that our*nature*requires us*to say*comforting*things to other people and*give them*advice,*but sometimes we forget to take our own advice. And even if we are able to reassure ourselves, it is not so easy to take action!”* “That is right, Mrs. Randal,” Marlyn said, realization and insight growing in her heart.* Mrs. Randal continued: * “So my advice to you now is: Keep going, keep encouraging him. But do not put too much pressure on him. Let him not feel like you are forcing him. You must slowly help him cultivate will, desire and confidence in his heart. Then you will enable him to let go of the fear of failure. When he accepts himself and his handicap, when he becomes satisfied with his abilities…he will see his way to the success.” * “Hmm,” Marlyn said. “I think you are right, Mrs. Randal.”* * “Of course I do not mean that winning is the only way to succeed in the competition; to succeed is to believe in our abilities and to try. After this, I can guarantee that the rest of the journey will be….easy and fine!” Mrs. Randal smiled. * “Thank you, Mrs. Randal,” Marlyn hugged her, feeling so much more hopeful than she had felt earlier. “Mr. Randal is a fortunate man to have a mother like you.” **************************** Then Marlyn continued: “I wonder why you still take care about me till this day, you and your kind mother, as well. As I told you that night, my father...unfortunately is a murder and I am his daughter … I am ‘the silent witness’ to his crime. And I do not have anything. I do not have even a little thing to give you..I do not know…I do not know how I can return your kindness andcharity!” * She could not continue. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest, her cheeks were hot and flushed and her lips trembled. She found herself thankful for the darkness in the room.* * “Miss Marlyn, please,” Mr. Randal interrupted, “You know that I do not want anything from you….” After saying that, he sighed deeply. Then, with great difficulty and hesitation, he continued. “...Except…” Marlyn looked at him astonished and wondering. “Except*what Mr. Randal?” * Mr. Randal swallow and kept quit, not knowing how to answer her. * After that Marlyn said, “You want something… from me.?”.. He reply hesitate, “I am afraid...If I said ‘no,”*I would*…be lying.” “Tell me then…honestly.” Marlyn felt faint.* * “It is…” then he looked at her, feeling awkward.*“ It is your…your…”* * Marlyn kept quiet for a moment and then replied, hear voice quivering with embarrassment: “What is it?” she looked at him beseechingly*with her sparkly blue eyes. Suddenly,*he felt his courage falter. * ** * So*Mr. Randal kept*quiet*and just looked at her. He made no reply.* Marlyn was confused. She thought deeply for a few moments.*Afterwards, she turned*her back to him, feeling extremely disconcerted.*“Oh dear!..” * “Do you know what I am talking about,*Miss Marlyn?” Mr. Randal*asked from behind her. “Of course…and I am not surprised..” “Miss Marlyn, I just want—” * “And what if I refuse*to give it to you?” interrupted Marlyn, “I will feel*disappointed*then. Perhaps even sorrowful.” * She*brought both hands to her face, confused. “Disappointed! Sorrowful!” she echoed.* “Miss Marlyn,*I doubt that you really understand what I ...” “I completely understand, Mr. Randal.” She was silent for a few more minutes. Then she turned*and looked at him in the eye. “And what.. what if...if i give you what you wish...” He answered*quietly, all the while*looking*into her eyes: “No doubt…it will be the pleasure, the happiness and the comfort I*have been*waiting for... *” * Marlyn sighed deeply, thinking to herself: “Even someone as noble as Mr. Randal…even someone like him thinks like any other man. But this is the reality I must accept. I am poor Marlyn... and this is my poor life. Wherever I turn, I will be faced with difficult choices. What shall I do now? He takes care of David and I. He has given us a place to stay and warm meals to eat. Of course, he was expecting something in return. And indeed, my life, and David’s too, could become very difficult without his help. I do not have any other choice. I shall give him what he wants and submit myself to him.” * Afterwards, Marlyn took off her apron, and threw it sadly on the floor. Mr. Randal watched her, his eyebrow furrowing.* * Then she stepped slowly, hesitatingly toward Mr. Randal. She looked down shyly and shivered as she spoke in a small, pained voice:*“So here I am…in front of*you. Take whatever you wish! And satisfy yourself.” * Mr. Randal stared at her in genuine astonishment and surprise. “Miss Marlyn!” * “Do not think that I have forgotten my shyness, my bashfulness...or I that I am disparaging my virginity..” Marlyn eyes glimmered with sadness. “But this is what life force us poor women to do, when we do not have anything else with which*to pay!” * “*To pay? Whatever are you referring to, Miss Marlyn? Does it not give you joy to…” he trailed off, looking at the tears in her eyes. He felt as though someone had stabbed him in*the*heart. * Then she continued: “If my chastity and my body…are the price for the return of your favour, for taking care of David and I… then I am ready for it…” * Mr. Randal was about to say something, but she silenced him with a wave of her long-suffering hand. “ I agree... I must accept it. As long as this is your wish! ” * Mr. Randal’s serious expression turned into a smile. He looked down, trying to hide his smile. Then he cleared his throat and said: *“You think that I want to buy your body in exchange of taking you and David into my home? Do you think this is really what I am looking for, Miss Marlyn?” * “You are a man...and this is usually what the men ask for!” Marlyn declared. She felt confused. Was that not what he had wanted after all? * He stepped close to Marlyn which made her more confused. Her heart raced quickly. He added, smiling: * “And you…you agree then!” * Marilyn frozen trying to control her fluttering heart. “ Y..yes.. I agree.. I do not have another choice!” * His smile got wider, “And what if I were another ...man??*Would you…still agree?” * Marlyn*turned away from him, her dress swishing around her, as she tried to hide her face from him. She felt ashamed and embarrassed, and gulped deeply before replying: *“I do not understand what you mean, M..Mr. Randal!” * He stepped behind her and whispered in her ear: “I know that you*completely*understand me, Miss Marlyn Clifford. And I believe that...you know the answer to my question very well” * Marlyn turned back around, looking at him,*embarrassed*beyond words. Then she averted her gaze and*walked away from him, not knowing how to answer.* She jerked her hands in the air, feeling confounded and awkward. * Mr. Randal kept smiling artfully. Then he reached down towards the apron, which lay forgotten on the floor. He picked it and walked over**to Marlyn, and said: “However,*Miss Marlyn ... no doubt that you misunderstood me*earlier.*So,*let me correct it for you,*please. You should know that if I am looking for anything*from you…*then it will be*your love..!” * Marlyn looked at him, deeply stunned by his words. *“My*love?” she echoed, dumbfounded.** * The way he gazed at Marlyn in reply touched her to the very core. His affectionate words wereenough*to*ignite the*candles in*that*dark,*dank room, and imbue it with a gentle, dreamy warmth.* * His eyes were deep orbs of emotion as he answered:*“Indeed. Because…I love you.” * Marlyn did not know what to say. She said to herself: “Oh, my heart! I do not know…shall I be happy or not?!” * “If I said I do not want anything from you, I am afraid that is not the truth,” he continued, speaking softly. “Because I want…and I need… your love. That will be my real happiness and comfort, the true*satisfaction*that I am looking for!” * At these words, Marlyn moved away from him, as though she wanted to escape from him and his words. Her heart was racing a thousand miles a minute as she tried her best to ignore her feelings for him. “Enough please…enough,” she whispered.* * “No, not enough,” he said, closing the distance between them again. “I apologize, for I did not know that love would make me so selfish and greedy…I*do not want anything from you, but for you to just be mine! *I want your love ... I want your smile, the blue sea in your eyes … the cherry blossoms on your cheeks, the smell of jasmine, the scarlet grapes…and everything, everything about you...” * “I do not want to hear anymore. Please...I do not want to talk about love!” Marlyn said,*feeling*upset and confused. “Why?” asked Mr. Randal.* “Because...because...that will never*happen. It will never work…” * He kept quiet, looking at her,*then he smiled.*Despite her words, he could tell in his heart that*she shared his emotions with him, but that she was trying to deny her*feelings*towards him. “You think that*it will not happen..?! But I am…*sure.. it will happen..” he replied and indeed, he was never more sure of*anything in his life.* * Suddenly she turned and looked at him. Though her words were firm, he could see the hesitation, the uncertainty in her eyes when she spoke:* “You are wrong in this Mr. Randal.. *I am not dreaming of love... love and emotions will*not make me happy in my life. I*am sorry, but I suggest*forgetting*about*attaining*my... love..” * “I will not forget,” he vowed, though it felt like his heart was being ripped into pieces. “I will be patient!*Because I am sure that*your heart will give up and will be mine…one day! ” * “You are wasting your time, Mr. Randal. I do not think that day will come,” Marlyn insisted.* * “We will see if this day will come…or not!” After that, he handed her back her apron.* * “I*am surprised by your excess confidence,” she said, taking it from him.*“You know that my feelings are*my*possession. Nobody can control them…only me!” And when she*tried*to take her apron from him, she could not, because Mr. Randal’s hand was still*clutching onto it tightly. He stared at her and replied in challenge:*“Really? I doubt that nobody else can control your feelings, Miss Marlyn. I doubt that even*you*alone can control them.” * Then he relented and gave her back the apron. Marlyn was astonished by his*boldness and*the*confidence*of his response. For a second—a split second—she considered giving into her own growing feelings.* * But she quickly shook off that thought and determinedly tied the apron back around her waist. There was no such thing as true love, and she would be a fool to believe in it.*The things she had seen in her life had taught her that much.*She walked over to the window, which was open, trying to cool down. * “There*are more important things occupying*my mind and*thoughts*right*now. I am not interested in talking about emotions and love…at least*at*this time…”*she said, gazing out the window.* * After*a few moments of mutual silence, Mr. Randal walked over to the small fireplace that was in the room. He began to feed the some of the chopped firewood that lay nearby. All the while,*Marlyn was looking through the window.* * It was*a beautiful, calm evening.*The*cool breeze*skulked*between the cracks of*the old*cottage’s creaky wooden*walls, making the structure moan. Though the sky was overcast by clouds, the coloured filaments of the sunset was able to pierce it to the fullest extent and decorate it with*an array of bright colors.*Marilyn*wiped the cool condensation off the glass window and*started talking: ................ **************************** |
مرحبا بكاتبة المنتدى، نفخر بأن يكون بين صفوفنا روائيّون باللسان الأنجليزيّ. أتمنّى ألّا تمانعي قيامي بتغيير خطّ الكتابة بالنسبة للمقتطفات، كما أنّه تمّ التثبيت. ماذا أيضا؟ آه نعم، أنتظر أن ترسلي لي نسخة ورقيّة بتوقيع الكاتبة.
شكرا. |
اووه شو عملت !
اكيد شكرا الك..خجلتني ..تثبيت!! ما بعرف شو قللك..تسلم. بس ما بدي اسمي باللون الازرق ..ما بحبه ! او لا خلص معلش ..على لون السماء او البحر.. عن جد كنت بمزح..هالامر للادارة. وكمان ..انت الك الحرية بالنص بعد لما حطيته بالمنتدى. اكيد بتركه على ذوقك وبثق فيه! |
تبدو رواية مشوقة :)
هناك بعض الاخطاء اللغوية. هل إنتهت صديقتك من التدقيق؟ أرجو لكي التوفيق... |
اقتباس:
حتما هاد مش التدقيق النهائي. . لما بتنتهي هللعملية او المرحلة من التدقيق ..وليس نهائي كما ذكرت. بفكر الاقي شخص اخر يساعدني على التدقيق النهائي سواء اللغوي او المتعلق بمجريات القصة. يعني قبل التثبيت والنشر. شكرا لالك وائل لطلتك..! |
تمّ تعيين روز كاتبة المنتدى.
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اقتباس:
تسلم... :9: |
موفقة عزيزتي روز
قرأت المقدمة حسب ما أسعفتني لغتي التي ما زلت أحتفظ ببعضها إضافة إلى الألمانية التي نسيت معظمها رغم أنني كنت متزوجا من ألمانية والفرنسية التي نسيتها كلها .. البداية مثيرة للمتابعة كونها تبدأ بالحديث عن القتل .. وإذا احتوت لمحات بوليسية تكون مشوقة أكثر شريظة أن لا تتحول إلى رواية بوليسية لأن أجاثا كريستي لم تترك مجالا لأحد لأن يكتب روايات بوليسية بمستواها. |
اقتباس:
قتل والد مارلين السيد كليفورد للتاجر الفرنسي.. احتيال ونصب وخديعة جلبرت في محاولة لطرد شقيقه الاصغر ووالدته من القصر للاستيلاء على الملك "بضم الميم". والعرش والميراث! شكرا الك استاذ..شرف لي ردك ع قصتي ! |
العفو عزيزتي روز
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لم أكن أعرف أنكي مهمته بالرويات وبالأخص راوئية باللغة الإنجليزية
لدي ثقافة موسعة حول الرويات وأكثر ما أعجبني في رويات هذه السنة رواية الخيميائي لباولو كويلو وغيرها من الرويات لأن معظم الرويات التي قرئتها كانت باللغة العربية وإلى حد الآن أقراء في رواية جديدة إسمها " جيين آيير " لشارلوت برونتي وهي كاتبة إنجليزية أيضاً هل يوجد لدي رويات كتبتها باللغة العربية ؟؟ |
اقتباس:
من اسبابي كتابتها بالانكليزية..انجذاب واستطلاع واهتمام الاجانب اكتر للادب من العرب للاسف. وحبي للاحداث الفكتورية.. رح ابقى ع تواصل معكم اول ما بشعر اقترب اصدارها! .. |
اقتباس:
على الأقل حتى نقول أديبة متغربة ، ويوجد أدباء كثيريين يهتمون بالأدب الّأجنبي !! في العرب لدينا أدباء أو روائيين مثل طه حسين و أحلام المستغانمي ... إذا سمعتي بهم |
من جهة تانية ..
مع احترامي لكتير من روايات الأدب. .بس غالبا للاسف ..اما بتكون النهايات مؤسفة..او غير مرضية! من كل الروايات يللي عرفتهم انا..يمكن 2 او 3 ..بس اعجبت فيهم فعلا وما ملليت منهم. وبرايي كان اعظمهم رواية البؤساء. قمة الادب والجمال التعبيري!! ومن الكتاب الرائعين ..تشارلز دكنز. جين ايير حلوة كمان! ! وحبيت. Anne of green gables. . فتاه الطبيعة ذكررتني بشخصيتي..حتى مواقفها مع الشخص اللي تحبه وكبرياءها معه!! وكنت اتنبا بشخصيتي ( رغم ما اعترفت بالحب من صغري ومراهقتي ).اني لو بدي حب يوما..رح حبه بعد مواقف كبرياء .= وما بتوقع رح تكون علاقتي مسالمة او هادئة معه!! او مواقفها الطريفة بتخيللاتها ب وسذاجتها البريءة الفريدة بالطفولة..بتذكررني بشخصيتي!! ووقتها لاحظت انه الشخص اللي بكون في غرابة بتصرفاته بكون موهوب او فيه شي مميز!! بتذكر صديقاتي بالمدرسة كانوا يلاحظوا اني "غريبة" بتصرفاتي احيانا او different! ! |
اقتباس:
ولكن سؤالي مستغرب نوعاً ما ؟ لماذا أخترت اللغة الإنجليزية بشكل خاص ؟ هل هذا يعني أنك تقميين في دولة غير عربية أم ،، ؟ لأنه قليل من العرب من يكتب الرويات باللغة الإنجليزية وفي موضوع الغرابة لكي هذا الفيديو الجميل كهدية :angel11: |
اقتباس:
إسمها "قصص الحب والجنون والموت " لهوراسيو كيروغا وهذا الكتاب أجمل ما قرأت حول مواضيع الحب والجنون والموت ممكن أنه يفيدك في هذا التشكيل العام وستجدينا النسخة باللغة الإنجليزية :17: |
اقتباس:
بتذكر قريت شوي الهم.. بس شدني الادب الانكليزي اكتر..رغم Anne of green gables. .وقعت احداثها بكندا.. وانا عايشة هلاء بكندا .. وزرت بريطانيا.. رغم رفاهية كندا..بس لو خيروني ..بحب عيش ببريطانيا او بمزرعة ريفية. بعيد عن المدن . قبل فترة زرت قرية تاريخية ب كندا ...راااااءعة..القطار..السفينة ..كله من تاريخ أوائل القرن العشرين .. واحلا شي شدني ..المزرعة ..خيول بيضاء.. احلا شعور..لما مشيت على العشب..بالطرقات القديمة..لما داعبت الخيل الابيض ..واتذلل لي وانحنى !! ما اروعه.. لما ركبت القطار ..كان السايق كبير بالعمر..طبعا لابس متل سائقي القطار بذاك العصر. سألني: كيف كان يومي؟؟ .وقلت له : انت محظوظ سيدي انك تعيش هون! |
كنت كاتبة رد طويل..للاسف انمحى!!
بشكرك مدير صابر لتغيير لون معررفي او لقبي ! I really appreciate. . كلك ذوق! |
شكرا الك..!
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ولهذا الحياة الريفية أفضل بكثير من الحياة في المدن :15: |
اقتباس:
فنحن نتشرف أن يكون معنا من الأدباء مثلك على الأقل نستفيد منهم وعن حسن تجربتهم الفكرية ، وقراءة الرواية كجوله في عقل مألفه لا يستطيع جميع الناس أن يكون لديهم الذوق الأدبي وبالأخ الكتابة ويسعدنا أن تكوني معنا دائماً بجانب أسرة المنتدى :8: |
شكرا لك ..
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المهم تذكرينا ، عندما تنشري روايتك الأولى ~
فانا منتظرها عن شغف |
شكرا مدير صابر..!
.. |
وأخيرا بانت ردودي..
البارحة واليوم كنت بكتب ردود للأسف ما ظهرت.. بشكرك مدير صابر ..وبقدر الك مجهودك لمحاولة تغيير لون اسمي! شكرا على كل شي.. |
ولأكن صريحة...
لقد استمتعت كثيرا بتلك اللحظات التي تغير لون اسمي للون الوردي.. كان لونا جميلا! انثوي .. وكذلك صلاحية ظهور بعض الأركان التي كانت مخفية.. الا ..ذاك العجز عن كتابة الرد او الموضوع!! |
ملاحظة " update":
لقد تأخرت في انهاء الرواية بناء على ظروف من جهة صديقتي " the editor".. ونحن الان في الجزء الاخير .." سيتم متابعته الشهر القادم في ديسمبر ".. واتمنى الانتهاء من هذه المرحلة في بداية عام 2016. للعلم . ستخضع الرواية لبعض التدقيق والمراجعات من اشخاص اخرون خبيرون في مجال الادب البريطاني والتاريخ واللغة الانكليزية! شكرا . |
هذه بعض المقتطفات ..
واعتذر عن وجود الاخطاء.. يبدو ان الرواية ستتجاوز ال 400 صفحة! وما زالت بعض الاعمال بالانتظار.. --------------------------- "تشجيع مارلين ل الفتى ديفيد الاعمى..لتدريبه على الرسم للمشاركة بالمسابقة!" “What you are up to, Marlyn?” David asked curiously, hearing the click of the lock. *“Nothing. You must be a good boy, David, and control your bad habits…otherwise, we will have this fight over and over again. I will not give up.” *“No, Marlyn, please! Not again.” David protesting, scrambling to his feet. Marlyn looked around David’s room, searching for a pencil. “Oh dear, where are your pencils?” * “You will not find any, because I burned them all,” David said angrily. “Great, I found one here,” Marlyn smiled, ignoring David’s answer. She spotted a pencil under the table. * She stepped over to David, and sat down beside him. “Can you give me your hand, please?” she asked him David gave her his hand and Marlyn pressed a pencil into his palm. “Please...can you hold this? Please, David, just for a minute. Hold the pencil. Feel it in your hands.” When David felt the pencil, his voice rose several timbres: *“What? The pencil? NO! NO..I DO NOT WANT TO DRAW!” * He stalked away from Marlyn and she followed after him, holding onto his hand strongly. *“LET GO OF MY HAND, MARLYN! I AM NOT GOING TO HOLD A PENCIL EVER AGAIN. LEAVE ME ALONE!” * Marlyn refused to listen to him. She kept trying to put the pencil into his hands, and David kept resisting. He tried to walk away from Marlyn, but he tripped and fell onto his bed. Marlyn fell on top of him, trying to force him to hold the pencil. * *“I AM NOT GOING TO HOLD THE PENCIL, GET OUT OF HERE!” David writhed underneath Marlyn, desperately trying to escape her grasp. Then he kneed her in the stomach. *“OUCH!” gasped Marlyn, letting go of him. “You hit me so hard,” she protested, cradling her stomach. *“I am sorry, sister. But why did you do that to me? Why did you force me to hurt you? Why won’t you leave me alone? David panted. ........" --------- قبل احداث الجريمة ( مستر كليفورد والتاجر الفرنسي وقضية العقد الثمين! ) * “Is that you, Mr. Clifford?" asked Mr. Gilbert, smiling as he walked over to Mr. Clifford with a glass of wine in his hands. * Mr. Clifford looked at him in surprise. “Are you Gil…bert? Please, sit down. I am glad that you still remember me.” “Yes, I remember you. So, you’re still losing all the card games? No money…no luck. Ha!” “Oh, please...do not remind me of my bad luck,” protested Mr. Clifford. “Can you imagine…I have not even a pound in my pocket any more.” * Mr. Gilbert burst out laughing. He laughed and laughed until tears sprung from his eyes. All the men in the pub turned to look at him. * Mr. Clifford felt ashamed and upset by this man’s obvious enjoyment at his expense. “Yes, funny…I know that…” he grumbled. “Excuse me...excuse me…” Mr. Gilbert sputtered, struggling to compose himself. Finally, he stopped laughing. After a few minutes, Mr. Gilbert leaned over to Mr. Clifford and whispered in his ears. “What if I could line your pockets with 10,000 pounds?” * Mr. Clifford looked at him in astonishment. “Are you jesting with me?” he demanded. “Or am I dreaming?” "None of the above,” said Mr. Gilbert, flashing him a predatory smile. “Your dream will become a reality…if…you just complete one task for me.” “I will be your servant, sir,” said Mr. Clifford, his voice trembling with gratitude. “I am ready to kiss your shoes.” * “No…no, that will not be necessary…for now,” sneered Mr. Gilbert. “Well, do you see that man sitting there....the one wearing a blue jacket and top hat? With the long mustache and thin, long beard?” Mr. Clifford looked over. Then he whispered to Mr. Gilbert “Yes, I see him. He does not look like an English man.” * The man in question was sitting with 4 other men, having a drink and laughing.. Mr. Gilbert continued whispering. “I want you to find a way to get rid of him..". * Mr. Clifford’s widened in utter shock. “WHAT? You want me…to kill him?” he asked, dumbfounded. Mr. Gilbert dipped his finger in into the red wine in the glass. He circled his finger around the rim, and then brought it to his mouth. He sucked off the wine and replied in a husky tone: * “10,000 pounds…What do you say?" "Bb...but...how? Why?” stammered Mr. Clifford. * Mr. Gilbert adjusted his jacket and leaned back in his chair, running his fingers through his hair. “How? That is your job to figure out….and why? Okay, I will tell you why…” he leaned even closer to Mr. Clifford and said in a low voice: * *“That man is originally from France. His name is Monsieur Jolivet… but do not worry, his English is good. He is a very rich dealer…Anyway, once…he bought a very famous and expensive diamond called ‘The Hope Diamond’…they say that the diamond is cursed…that it brings misfortune and bad luck to those in possession of it…of course, I do not believe in any such nonsense. But anyway, after he bought it, his son got sick and died...a short while later, his wife committed suicide by drowning herself in the sea….and now he wants to sell this diamond, thinking that it really does bring back luck. So, your job here... is to find a smart way to get rid of him, and then steal the diamond and *give it to me...I want that diamond.” * “That is abominable!” said Mr. Clifford. “But you are a very wealthy man….why don’t you just buy it…instead of….” *“Shut up!” Mr. Gilbert interrupted.” That is none of your business. Now, do you accept my offer or not? “Well…I could definitely use the money....I...but...I do not know....” * Mr. Gilbert exhaled deeply in irritation. He stood up and took off his hat. “So, this is your answer. I understand…you are afraid,” Mr. Gilbert put his hat back on his head. “Any way, there are many men out there who dream of such money. I am sure I can find someone else to do this job for me. I better forget about you.” * “No…no…please stop." Mr. Clifford grabbed Mr. Gilbert’s arm, “I will do it... Tomorrow night…” he whispered, and Mr. Gilbert flashed a devious smile. Then he nodded and walked off. ------------- * للعلم اني اقتبست تاريخ العقد الثمين ( حتى اسمه the hope Dimond)..من مجريات تاريخ حقيقية. وخصوصا كان متعارف عليه انه يجلب الشؤم!! -------------- |
جميل جدا ..
على ما يبدو كان اسم تعريفك روز :18: لديك أسلوب شبيه باسلوب الكاتبة جاين أوستن ربما لانها أيضا كانت تكتب مجريات الأحداث في سياق سلس و مبسط و كانت تعتمد أيضا احداثا من نفس الحقبة التي اعتمدتها .. أتمنى لك الإستمرار و أتمنى أيضا أن تسنح لي الفرصة لقراءة الرواية الكاملة عند انتهائك منها :9: |
اكيد يا روح ألبي. .
و انا صراحة اتاثرت بالكاتب ديكنز اكتر شي. انا كان معررفي الاصلي "شمس"..بس غيرته ل روز ..لظروف! بعدين رجعته! ميرسي كتير لردك العطر! |
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*** * *Mr. Arnold brought her back to the present by continuing: “Yes, indeed. The cluster of grapes looks like the heart. And no doubt that grapes are a useful treatment for heart disease!” After that, everybody clapped their hands, enjoying Mr. Arnold’s speech. Just then, Mrs. Willard leaned over and whispered in Marlyn’s ear, gesturing towards a girl who was sitting close by. * *“Do you notice that girl who is sitting beside Mr. Arnold, with curly blond hair?” “Yes, she is very pretty.” * Indeed, she truly was. She had sparkling green eyes and porcelain white skin with cheeks as red as cherries. She was dressed in a lovely green dress made of velvet and satin. From her ears dripped gorgeous, expensive-looking diamond earrings. She was wearing a matching bracelet. It was dazzling and very, very heavy-looking. * *“Do you see that precious bracelet on her left arm?” asked Mrs. Willard. “That is right… it is a beautiful bracelet.” * “She is the Baroness Elvira Murgatroyd, The wife of Baron Elbert Murgatroyd. Furthermore, that is not a bracelet, this is a hand watch!” “Really?” Marlyn surprised, “A hand watch? Interesting! What a beautiful invention!” “But of course this wonderful invention does not mean that women have become interested in watching the time!” whispered Mrs. Willard, her eyes twinkling with good humour. “Especially when we are at parties.” * Marlyn chuckled. Then Mrs. Willard said: “Such an interesting watch! There on her wrist for both decoration and brag!” “Oh dear! I cannot imagine how much it cost!” whispered Marlyn. * Oh...a lot of money, to be sure Miss Marlyn. I heard that her husband gifted to her last year. He bought it from Switzerland,” “It is absolutely stunning!” “And I heard that this kind of hand watch will be traded between men and women someday.” “Well, I wish I can live till that day! ” Mrs. Willard sighed and said like a petulant little girl: “Oh dear! I think I will ask my husband to gift me a hand watch like hers!” *Marlyn smiled and did not answer her. She thought to herself, “Indeed. This is all that rich people think about! *I must also continue looking upwards instead of downwards…I am am sorry Mr. Randal! ” * Then she looked at Mr. Kinsley, A * Back at the house, Mr. Randal had just finished eating dinner. He went to his room and sat down heavily on the bed. He looked at his pillow and then flipped it to the other side. While he was moving his pillow, he saw a red rose petal underneath it. * He picked it up and smelt it. He remembered how Marlyn used to throw red petals on his bed, to add some cheer and a lovely fragrance to his room. * Thinking about her made his chest hurt. He stood up and picked up a goblet that was on his bed-side table. Then he put the rose petal inside the goblet. After that, he took the wine bottle and poured some into the goblet. He began to drink it. * اعتذر اذا يوجد بعض الاخطاء في ترتيب النص او الاخطاء اللغوية. حيث سنقوم بتنسيق وتدقيق القصة فيما بعد. |
* تم تصحيح العنوان من معرف العضوة Rose ..الى العضوة شمس.
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لا احب قرائة القصص او المقالات الطويلة على النت :/ متى سيكون بالإمكان وجود القصة بكتيب مثلاً؟
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اقتباس:
...و ساعلن ذلك في المنتدى ما ان انتهي! |
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وسمعت أن هذا النوع من ساعات اليد سيتم تداولها بين الرجال والنساء في يوم من الأيام. حسنا، أنا أتمنى أن أعيش حتى ذلك اليوم! أحلام الأمس حقائق اليوم . ما أجمل القصة ، اعجبتني جدًا ؛ شكرًا جزيلاً لحضرتك .:9: |
اقتباس:
:9: مو مصدقة..الرواية بالتدقيق باقيلها حوالي 50 صفحة. بس عم تمشي ببطىء..بتمنى تخلص قريبا. لحط اللمسات الأخيرة .. :9: شو حابة اعرف رايي القرراء فيا. |
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بالنسبة للبطء ؛ عزيزتي رواية واحدة متقنة أفضل من عشرات بل مئات الروايات ، وحضرتك ما زلت شابة وفي قمة الإبداع والموهبة التي تتبدى جليًا في مشاركاتِك الأدبية الشعرية منها والنثرية ، وأنا متأكدة أن حضرتِك ستكونين من أعظم الأديبات المشهورات في الأدب العالمي.:9: مع أفضل أمنياتي لحضرتِك بدوام التميز واستحقاق أفضل الجوائز في ميادين الأدب .:9: ولا تعتقدي إني ابالغ إذا اخبرتكِ بشعوري أنكِ بالإرادة والتصميم مع مواهبِكِ العظيمة تلك قد تحصلين عن جدارة واستحقاق على جائزة نوبل في الآداب في يوم من الأيام فلا تتعجلي فالعبرة في الكيف وليس الكم .:9: |
اقتباس:
يا حياتي العزيزة سوزان اللي بتخجللني :9: هيدا من لطفك و زوئيك! :9: طيب خلص..اذا صرت مليونيرة من وراها..بدي اشتري كوخ ببريطانيا ( هيدا الي ) ..و انتي ابنيلك احلا بيت هنيك ل تسكني جنبي! شو رايك :) على كل حال عزيزتي..انا صدقا ما فكرت بالمال لما كتبت الرواية. صح المال مهم ..بس ما كان اول همي ولا حتى تانيه! كنت جائعة وبلهفة اكتبها بعد كبت طويييل. لاني كنت خايفة ما يكون مسموح بديننا..فالمهم اتخللصت من هالسجن. وهي عم حقق أمنيتي. للعلم..الرواية رومانسية لكن ما حبيت يكون فيا مقطع تفصيلي ل قبلة. ما بعرف ليش بخجل! مش قصة دين! بتمنى تصير بين اياديكم وتعجبو فيا. |
اقتباس:
صداقتنا أجمل وأفضل من كل قصور وأموال العالم.:9: بالنسبة للخجل والحياء من كتابة مقطع تفصيلي للقُبلَة - أنا أيضًا اشعر بالخجل - ولكن حضرتِك أديبة روائية وشاعرة ويجب التغلب أحيانًا على الخجل لإعطاء العمل الأدبي حقه وهذا لا يتنافى مطلقًا مع جمال وروعة أخلاقِكِ على أرض الواقع ، مثال عندما يكتب الروائي عن الجرائم بتفاصيل بشعة في خلال سرده لاحدى مشكلات القصة ، بل يقوم بتعقيد المشكلة بجرائم أبشع لمزيد من جذب وتشويق واثارة القارئ وصولاً لتقديم الحل . حضرتِك العمل على انجاح العمل الروائي بدون اسفاف رائع ، ولكن القبلة اعتقد وصفها بالرواية شيئ عادي .:9: |
واخيرا بعد تدقيق دام حوالي سنتين او 3 سنوات للرواية..
رح يتم الانتهاء من التدقيق ( المرحلة الاولى) بعد شهر تقريبا.... والتدقيق التالي ..رح يكون اللمسات الاخيرة وللمراجعة السريعة. بتمنى ما يستمر اكتر من 3 اشهر. وبعدها..بتكون الرواية جاهزة للنشر... :) |
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.::♡جميع المشاركات والمواضيع المكتوبة تعبر عن وجهة نظر كاتبها ,, ولاتعبر عن وجهة نظر إدارة المنتدى ♡::.